“Unless the context otherwise indicates, words importing the singular number shall include the plural number and words importing the singular number shall include the singular number.”
I read this today while reviewing a contract at my 3-day a week Day Job. After which I poked out my eye with a knife. And of course, in this case the singular use of “eye” means both eyes and the singular use of “knife” means one knife.
Like other things, too much legalese will make you go blind….
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I’ve always liked not having been to Canada. It gave me a comeback to people who refer to me as a world traveler and say things like, “Where haven’t you been?”
“Well, I’ve never been to Canada.” I’d say.
Everybody knows that you ain’t no world traveler unless you’ve been to Canada. The response would shut them up pretty fast. But here I am in Niagara Falls, Canada. Crap.
Annie and I haven’t been more than from miles from the US border so really that shouldn’t count as having been to a country, especially a country the size of Canada. Maybe, if we were 5 miles into Luxembourg, it would be a different story.
So, officially I’ve still never been to Canada. Unofficially, I have been….
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“Do things, not think things.”
Visit the humor writers website for more Dave on writing.
In the interest of full disclosure, Dave and I are pals. Okay, maybe not pals, but I did wait in line to meet him at the Erma Bombeck Conference in Dayton. See…
Registration is now open for the conference in April of 2008. Last year it sold out in 12 days. If you are interested in going, better sign up now….
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Today, Annie and I were exploring Put-in-Bay on our Honeymoon/continuation of the Where am I Wearing? quest and I experienced a perfect storm of this-is-weird-moments:
I was driving down the street in a road-licensed golf cart on an island in Ohio passed a sweet smelling Ohio vineyard on the way to see a ship turned into a house on a cliffside with my WIFE.
We did it. I’m officially Mr. Annie Timmerman.
This sounds cheesy, but the wedding was perfect. We got married outside at my parents’ house in front of 300 family and friends. The weather held out just long enough for the wedding. Annie looked beautiful (I wish I had some pictures to post but I don’t, so you’ll have to take my word for it.)
Other…
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Saturday Annie and I tie the knot in my parents’ backyard in front of 300 family and friends.
On Sunday the quest/honeymoon continues. It’s kind of like the two threads of my life will be pulled together. There’s the travel-around-the-globe-chasing-my-clothes thread and there’s the Annie-girlfriend-fiance-wife thread.
First we’re heading to Put-in-Bay, the Key West of the North, and then we’re off to Perry, New York, home of the Grand Canyon of the East. (You always have to question the legitimacy of a destination when the locals sell it as a more accessible, less touristy version of an actual destination.) And then were off to Niagara Falls, which I like to refer to as the Victoria Falls of North America.
Perry is where my all-time favorite item of…
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Steve Fossett is missing.
And it’s not the first time.
When I was in Australia in 2001 I went sailing with a fella who saved Fossett’s butt on one of his misadventures. Below the cut, you’ll find a story from the Travelin’ Light archives about Fossett’s savior Laurie Piper.
Let’s hope that Fossett has another Laurie Piper in his future.
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Batman…
Superman…
Bad Ass Squinter Man…
Malaria Boy…
and all of the other identities of my big brother Kyle.
…
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“I only got seven dives in. I hope they didn’t jump the gun too soon.”
-Bob Shearer of Pennsylvania who was evacuated by military helicopter from the island of Roatan shortly before hurricane Felix devastated the region.
I really hate to use “Touron” to describe Bob. How about Inconsiderate, Dolt of Immense, Obtuse, Thoughtlessness (IDIOT). Thousands of homes and lives are threatened by one of nature’s most violent forces and Bob bitches about missing out on a few dives. They should have left Bob tied at the reef off of Roatan and let him do all of the diving he wanted to do, hurricane or no hurricane.
Here’s an update on Felix…
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Hurricane Felix is about to hammer the Moskito Coasts of Honduras and Nicaragua. I followed the tag of my favorite t-shirt to the region in 2005. I have fond memories from the trip, including:
Teaching an island village to play baseball
Trekking though the jungle
Playing soccer
Trying to get on a boat with lobster divers
My brother’s being bit by a malaria carrying mosquito
The storm strengthened to a Category 5 this morning and is likely to threaten the livelihoods and the lives of many of the friends I made in 2005, including Kaiser and his family. My thoughts are with them this morning.
I’ll post links to any relief efforts in the future….
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